Lance & Megan's Blog

Ukrainian Jokes


I have been inundated with Ukrainain humor being here. Sounds like it would be fun right? Let me just share a bit of the humor with you and you can decide.

#1 A doctor came to check on his patient and found that he had already died. He asked the nurses if he had sweated a lot before he died. “Yes! Yes, he sweated a lot,” they replied. “Oh good, good, this is very good,” the doctor said.

When they told me that one, I said “is that it?” Still don’t get it.

#2 In the congress in America, if I asked a congressman a question they give me an answer. If I ask a congressman in Russia a question, they will spend 15 min explaining why I am an idiot.

They got a half chuckle from me on that one.

#3 Once a student had to take a test on animals. Unfortunately, he had only studied about fleas. The first animal was a dog. He said, “well it has ears, eyes, hair, a tail and four legs.” The teacher raised her eyebrows.” And all dogs have fleas, and fleas…” The teacher stopped him and showed him a cat. Again, “well it has ears, eyes, hair, a tail and four legs. And all cats have fleas…” Teacher shakes her head, then smiles and shows him a fish. “Oh, fish, fish, fish. Well it has eyes, a mouth, it breaths, and… but IF it had fleas…”


#4 There were two lines of people in heaven. One line was for men who were the head of the house and the other for homes where the woman was the head of the home. The line for where the woman was the head was going on for eternity (I added that bit.) There was only one man in the line for where men where the head. Gabriel thought this was weird and went to ask the one man why he was the only one. “Why are you the only one in this line?” “I don’t know, my wife just told me to stand here.”

I actually laughed pretty good here.

#5 A man heard someone knocking at his door and opened it find a poor man standing there. The poor man said “please can you help, I just want something to eat.” The other man said “well before I give you any food you need to drink 10L of water.’ The poor man thought about it and decided it was worth food. So he drank and drank and when he was finished the other man asked what he wanted to eat. The poor man replied “well I’m not so hungry anymore.” “What?! You came to my door asking for food, why did you lie? Why didn’t you say you were thirsty?”

I guess it has something to do with slavik hospitality, but that still doesn’t make it funny.

#6 A man came home from work and sat down at the table. He slammed his fist on the table and shouted “who’s the head of this house?” His wife came in with her hands on her hips and said with an attitude “What?” The man instantly cowered and said stammering, “I just wanted to ask, is it ok just to ask a question.”

Another half chuckle


When they see that I don’t find their jokes very funny they ask me to share some American jokes. I haven’t been able to think of any though. Anyone know some good American jokes that only Americans would find funny?

posted under funny, Ukraine
6 Comments to

“Ukrainian Jokes”

  1. On May 6th, 2011 at 7:55 pm Kerwin Says:

    On the joke that you didn’t get, I’ll bet that “sweat” either has a special, cultural value or meaning or saying. either that or it sounds like another word, like “pray”. Jokes only american’s would get? “why’d the chicken cross the road?”. What is a Ghost’s favorite pie? Booberry.

  2. On May 8th, 2011 at 4:26 pm Judith Hoye Says:

    Today’s paper had two jokes:
    Q: Why did the elephant need an iron?
    A: To smooth all its wrinkles

    Q: What do you get if you cross a big mouth and a tornado?
    A: A tongue twister.

  3. On May 9th, 2011 at 5:48 pm Kerwin Says:

    I’ll bet this doesn’t translate either. Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel

  4. On May 18th, 2011 at 3:37 pm Muff Says:

    So i’m finally getting around to reading your blogs.
    I thought joke #3 was pretty funny. Not sure why you didn’t get that one…and I agreee with Kerwin. You shoule ask why the chicken crossed the road…lol
    Or maybe some knock knock jokes. Do they do any of those?

  5. On May 21st, 2011 at 7:20 am Megan Says:

    Kerwin- I did ask about that one and apparently it has something to do with the attitude of doctors here. Doesn’t matter too much if someone dies, but if there is one good thing about how they died then it is ok. I think there are somethings I will just never get.
    Thanks for the ideas everyone!

  6. On June 1st, 2011 at 10:57 am Judy Says:

    Now Megan, you remember the joke about ronald mcdonald don’t you?
    ‘How can you tell ronald mcdonald at the beach’?
    By his sesame seed buns.!
    Is there a Mcdonald’s over their?
    I still laugh when I think of this joke. 🙂